Mommy Wars… WHY?!?

Recently I noticed that there is a lot of attention on Kate Middleton and her pregnancy and her impending birth. And I mean really, why not. It’s a pretty big deal. That baby is the potential heir to the throne. Obviously there is going to be some interest. BUT I have a problem with the things we seem to be taking an interest in. I totally see the curiosity of whether the baby is going to be a boy or a girl. And what names they may be considering.  But.  What gives us the right to even care if she is planning a c-section or a natural birth? Why should it matter to us who she is planning on having in the room with her?  How does it affect any of us that she is choosing to stay with her mom for a few weeks after having the baby instead of residing in royal residence and isn’t hiring a maternity nurse? I seen some comments criticizing the fact she (and other people in high places) hand pick their Drs and the nurses that attend their birth. Seriously. You don’t understand why they might be particular about who is attending their birth? I would be too if I was worried about who might sell the story to the highest bidder.

The one that gets to me the most though. Is this one. In the last paragraph, the writer states that we need the Duchess to breastfeed. Really? We NEED her to breastfeed? And more then that, we NEED her to be willing to have her pictures taken while she feeds her baby so that the world is more likely to breastfeed? WHY ARE WE SPENDING SO MUCH TIME JUDGING ONE ANOTHER OVER OUR CHOICES?? Why can’t we leave this woman to make her own choices based on what is best for her and her baby? Maybe  she is perfectly okay with breastfeeding but she isn’t comfortable whipping out her ‘royal orbs’ for someone to take a picture of her to show off to the world. And why the hell should we expect her too? Maybe she isn’t on board with the whole idea of breastfeeding in general. Maybe, like so many other women she is going to choose to formula feed right from day one. Maybe she is going to try to breastfeed and it just isn’t going to work out for her, for one of a million reasons. Who the hell are we to judge her for that?? Why should any of us even CARE as long as the baby is healthy and taken care of? Are we also going to start watching to see if and when her child is vaccinated? Or whether she co sleeps? Baby wears? Has her son circumcised? Pierces her daughters ears? Uses the CIO method? Spanks? Uses time outs? Has her babies far apart? Close together? Uses cloth diapers? Disposables? Pumps? The list goes on and on.

It’s not just in the case of  Kate Middleton and other famous people. I see the judgement everywhere. I made my choices that were best for my family and I. I formula fed. I co slept with Alex until he was 2. Nick has slept on his own since birth with the exception of maybe 10 occasions where he was in my bed. Zoey is about 50/50 in her bed and in mine. I hardly baby wore the boys. I babywear Zoey all the time. It works better for me to be able to hold her and have my hands free for the boys. I used the CIO method with Alex. I never used it with Nick. Or Zoey. I pureed all of Alex’s baby food for him from 4 months old. Nick started eating chunks of food at about 7 months old and skipped purees all together.  The list goes on.  My point, is EVERY SINGLE CHILD IS DIFFERENT. As is every Momma. It’s time for us to realize this and instead of judging Momma’s for doing things differently than we do, embrace the diversity that we have as mothers and offer advice and education without criticizing the choice or the outcome. Just because something works for you, doesn’t mean it’s right for everyone. Let’s encourage each other as moms. We all started this journey having no experience, and we are all learning as we go. Slapping pictures of Kate Middleton breastfeeding the royal baby all over the place isn’t going to affect the number of women who successfully breastfeed. Maybe more women would if there was more education on it, but at the end of the day, there are a lot of healthy babies out there who weren’t breastfed, and a lot of healthy ones who were breastfed. I hate the saying Breast is Best. Maybe it is. Maybe it isn’t. But we should all be encouraged to do what feels right, not guilted into sticking with something that isn’t working out the way it should because society says it’s the best thing to do.

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Love, hugs and more to come later.

Lynn

2 thoughts on “Mommy Wars… WHY?!?

  1. I completely agree!
    Kind of goes with the post I did about being (im)perfect.

    We as mom’s have to stop judging and start supporting. The decisions we make are out of necessity, love, and hard decision making. It doesn’t makes any of us bad mum’s.

    I’m one of those women who tried breastfeeding for 6 months, and despite trying every recommendation just couldn’t keep my supply up to match her demand. It killed me inside to switch to formula, and I felt a failure.

    Until I realized, that she’s still healthy and thriving and I did the very best I could. We have to stop being so judgmental, and so hard on ourselves and others!

    Well, well said!

    • Thank you! If we, as Mom’s, were able to be more supportive and less judgemental I think the mommy world would be a better place. I do feel bad for people who want to breastfeed and have their hearts set on it and for whatever reason are unable to. I know how upset I get when I can’t do something that to me is the absolute right thing. But, if society was a little less judgemental, I think those mom’s would be less hard on themselves and I think it would help eradicate the feelings of failure. Somehow, even though I follow your blog religiously (I love love love your blog!) I missed that post. I have gone back and read it, and I agree completely; perfection is boring. Being imperfect is a lot more entertaining. And I’m sure our kids will be better people because of our imperfections!

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