The Monkey in the Middle – 2nd Edition

A little more then a year ago a wrote a post about Hubs family and how I feel they treat Nick and Alex differently and my feelings on the matter. You can read that here if you want to go back and re read it. 

Now that it’s been a year later, and I ‘discreetly’ made sure Hubs family remember ed Nick’s birthday in March (discreet… ha ha.. I was so not discreet, but I’ll get to that) I decided that I would post an update on how the last year has gone with his family in regards to our children.

Back at Christmas time when the kids were being given gifts, I have to be honest and admit that I was watching and paying attention to make sure the kids were being treated equally. And for the most part they were. But there was one key person who was not equal and fair in her gift giving and I have to admit I was surprised. This person (I really try not to name names when it comes to Hubs family, but it is making it complicated so a little background, Hubs parents divorced when he was young so he has his dad, step mom, mom and step dad. In this instance the person I am talking about is not his step mom 😉 ) Anyways. This person has always gone on and on about how she has always wanted a daughter and feels it was unfair she was given three sons and then two grandsons. So I thought for ure she was going to go overboard when it came to Zoey. But it turns out she didn’t at all. She, instead, got the boys a healthy amount of stuff and Zoey got one gift for her (and of course her name on our gift as a family)

This makes me sad. I guess Nick isn’t the only one being left out. I wonder if there is any connection to the fact that Alex looks like hubs while the younger two take after me?

Alex got more birthday gifts from her then Christmas gifts. But then that’s not really a surprise is it?

So after Christmas and Alex’s birthday, we moved closer and closer to Nick’s birthday. In an effort to avoid I discreetly very blatantly made sure to mention as often as I could that the big day was coming up. (This of course basically means that the one time I seen his family between Christmas and Nick’s birthday I was sure to mention it a few times)

Nick’s birthday. When it came to Hubs Dad and Step Mom, I was happy. It was fair. They came up to the house the day before Nick’s birthday and brought him a gift and visited for a bit. (Nick slept through it, but whatever) I was impressed. They were fair, they remembered, his gift was geared to his interests. It doesn’t get much better then that. It was a million times better then last year.

When it came to his Mom and Step Dad… well.. his Mom came up a week and a but after his birthday. I guess his step dad is still mad at Hubs (another story for another day) and he stayed home to watch TV, or fix the truck, or something. She brought Nick a ‘birthday’ gift. And brought Alex a few gifts. And brought Zoey a doll. And brought the boys a couple gifts to share. I can’t say I was very happy. I mean, yes she brought him a birthday gift, but isn’t the meaning a little lost when you bring more for Alex? Shouldn’t it have been the other way around if you were celebrating Nick? I don’t want that to be taken the wrong way. It’s not about the gifts. It’s about taking the time to recognize that this day is supposed to be about Nick. I don’t buy Alex presents on Nick’s birthday. And if I did it would definitely not be more then what I got for Nick. I get so frustrated with her obvious favoritism. And I am extremely saddened by the fact my kids refer to her as ‘Present Lady’

Next month is Zoey’s birthday. I don’t even want to think about the mess that might be. I am thankful that by the end of summer we will be living around my family. Where my kids are all treated as equals and no one is favored over anyone else. I am glad the kids are too young to really see it happening.

Love, hugs and more to come later!

What I wish someone had told us….

First off, I want you to know this is about Hubs vasectomy yesterday. Things I wish SOMEONE would have said. Things I think should have at least been included in the post op papers he brought home. Things that would have saved me from calling 911. Nothing too graphic, but maybe more information that some people might want.

So, as we know, Hubs went for his vasectomy yesterday afternoon. As far as I know, it was mostly uneventful. Some freezing, some snipping, some stitching and he was ready to come home. He got home at about 3:40 pm. This is where things start getting interesting.

Before he got home, I was the good wife. I made him juice, made up the couch for him, made sure the ice packs were frozen and started supper. When he got home I went through his post op bag, got him his pain killers and helped him get comfy. Well, wouldn’t you know it, he needed to pee.

On his way to the washroom he asked me if I could run upstairs and grab him some pj pants, no problem. He goes into the washroom and I go upstairs. As I am coming down the stairs (I might have been at the bottom of the stairs, I don’t remember) I hear three loud bangs coming from the direction of the bathroom. As you can imagine, I panicked. I ran to the bathroom and opened the door to my husband passed out on the bathroom floor shaking. Before my brain could process what I was seeing he came too and asked me where he was… Um What?… If I thought I was panicked before this kicked it up a couple notches. After talking to him for a couple seconds, he knew where he was, although he wasn’t sure what had happened.

Our bathroom is really tiny. From the way he was lying on the floor, I assumed he likely hit his head on the sink on his way down (although he was lucky and his head landed on the new bag of toilet paper I hadn’t put away yet) While talking to him trying to determine if he needed an ambulance or not, he started complaining about his back hurting and his arms being tingly. Well that sealed it for me. I went and took my phone from Alex who was playing games on it and called 911.

At some point through all this I put Zoey in her highchair to get her out of the way and Alex at the table to play a game… I’m not sure when I did this, but Mommy instincts were there and I didn’t want them getting in the way. Nick was still napping at this point. I had been planning on waking him up after I got Hubs settled.

So about 5 minutes after I call 911 (it seemed faster, and slower at the same time, but my call log says it was about 5 minutes) 6 huge guys come barreling into my house to see Hubs. The kids were pretty indifferent to the whole thing, although Alex thought it was neat there was a firetruck and ambulance right outside the house!

Thankfully, Hubs was fine. They didn’t make him go into the hospital. Just talked to him for awhile, helped him up and onto the couch and gave us some information that I think should have been included somewhere by his Dr.

So what happened? It turns out, that after a vasectomy, it’s going to hurt a bit when you pee. Something with the tubes, and how it all works. You are supposed to sit while you are peeing. Not stand. Well, Hubs wasn’t told this. He didn’t think anything of it. When he had to go he went the way he normally would. When he started, it hurt so he tried to stop it. Which put more pressure on everything. Which caused him to get dizzy and faint.

For all the people I talked to about a vasectomy, NO ONE mentioned this. Not one single person. After it happened, I talked to a couple people… thinking this is weird, how come this happened to him and no one else? Turns out, a few of the same people I had talked to before, their husbands had complained about being light headed and dizzy when peeing for the first couple days afterwards and had made the decision on their own to sit when using the washroom.


I am glad that Hubs is okay. Everything is fine. And my anxiety and stress levels have gone down. I don’t know if this information is going to help anyone but I feel like it needs to be out there.

*** Update: I called the Urologist who did the procedure on hubs, and I was told that this is a common complaint and they are in the process of updating the post op papers that are sent home with patients. I’m not even sure what to make of that right now. ***

Love, hugs and more to come later!

Strange emotions

Today is a weird day. And this is a weird post to write. It’s something I feel I want to say, and yet something I’m afraid to say. I feel that I am allowed to feel whatever I feel. They are my emotions. And I’m entitled to them. But I feel guilty for even bringing it up.
I suppose that doesn’t make much sense.
Hubs went for his vasectomy today. In fact, he’s in right now getting it done. And I’m emotional about it. I don’t want any more babies. Four is enough for us. My body can’t handle anymore. My Dr told me the same thing. My Dr encouraged me to have a tubal after this baby.
And yet, I feel sad. I’m upset that we aren’t going to have the option to have any now babies. I’m sad that after this baby, this chapter of our lives is over.
And I feel guilty for feeling this way.
I know how blessed I am to have the babies I have. I understand that more then most people realize I do. I was told that I would have babies after I miscarried before I had Alex. Then Alex happened. Then Nick. Then Zoey. Then this baby. I definitely know how blessed we are.
But I’m still sad to have the option of more taken from us. Even if we are the ones who made that choice.
I’m pretty sure pregnancy hormones are making this harder then it needs to be.
Love, hugs and more to come later

A Derogatory Term

I  am sure if I asked you to think of a derogatory term, you could list twenty that would make anyone cringe. But the one I am referring to today is probably one that you never think of as being truly derogatory. It’s one that I have written about before. Today, it was used in reference to me when I was asked what I was up to and I replied that I had just gotten home from taking the kids for a walk and then to do some shopping.

Super Mom

Doesn’t seem so bad, does it? Almost seems like it could be a compliment. It likely was meant as a compliment. But I was offended. Maybe I am being overly sensitive. Maybe it’s pregnancy hormones. Maybe it’s the stress of knowing Nick failed his speech assessment and hearing test today. Maybe I am being ungracious by not accepting this as a compliment and moving on. Maybe I am being absurd by even giving it as much thought as I have.

Or maybe I am perfectly entitled to my hatred of this term. Maybe I am perfectly entitled to believe that this term is derogatory. Maybe my reasons for feeling this way are 100% valid.

The term ‘Super Mom’ leaves me feeling like the person saying it is, in essence, being sarcastic. ‘Oh there goes supermom showing off how under control she has her kids while she is out walking with them all by herself’ In truth? I panic a little every time I take the kids out on my own. Can I do it? Of course. Do I do it? Yep. But I worry. What if one of them hurts themselves, what if someone decides not to listen to me, what if one of them runs out into the street… You get it. ‘Wow you have three young kids and you are pregnant again? You must be super mom!’ Do I even have to explain how that comment might make me feel? Express your true emotions, tell me I am crazy like most people do, so we can laugh together awkwardly and move on.

Moms are super. Moms are amazing. We do amazing things. Without us, the world would probably keep turning but it would definitely not turn as smoothly. Yes, I am capable of doing things with my three children that some women find daunting to do with one. Yes, I am busy. Yes I am stretched thin sometimes. No I am not Super Mom. There are days my house isn’t clean. There are days my kids eat Mc Donalds for supper because I am too tired/lazy to cook. There are days we stay in pajamas all day because I need to do laundry. There are days, like yesterday, I call my husband at work begging him to come home early because I just can’t do it on my own. I don’t do it on my own.

When someone refers to me as Super Mom, it’s like there is a big spot light shining down on all the things I do that aren’t that great. Being called Super Mom brings into focus all the way’s I’m not perfect. Maybe it’s just me who feels that way.. but it’s how I feel none the less.

I hate this term. Even if I am being unreasonable.

Love, hugs and more to come later!

Spring? What’s that?

1625672_10154042643690052_5677550061283673294_nYesterday was April 15. This is what my front yard looked like at about 1:30 in the afternoon. When we got home from town at about 6, that little bit of snow was gone. My front yard was grass. It was great. I was looking forward to being able to start playing in the yard with the kids. On their slide, with the new soccer nets the Easter Bunny is bringing them. Sidewalk chalk. I couldn’t help thinking to myself, yes it’s the middle of April and it’s finally starting to look and feel like it too! The kids and I were able to wear runners (sandals in my case) and sweaters. No coats and boots and snow pants when we went out. It was great. I felt great.

I took the kids for a walk yesterday afternoon before we went into town for my Dr’s appointment and they all slept great last night. All they could talk about was getting to go for another walk today. When they came into my room this morning the first thing Alex asked was if we could go for a walk. I told him we would have to have breakfast first and check the weather before we could decide if we were going to go for a walk. But if it was nice outside and not rainy we could definitely go for a walk. (It was raining when I went to bed last night, so I wanted to make sure it had stopped before I agreed to anything.

Well. It had stopped when we opened the curtains after breakfast to have a look outside. Not that this is any better then rain. In fact… I think I would prefer rain… 1551466_10154045702295052_7086406864979055638_nYep. That’s snow. The weather forecast on TV tells me it’s supposed to stop by lunch time and be sunny this afternoon. But I guess we will see. As long as the wind dies down I plan to take the kids out for at least a short walk. But this morning there were gusting winds and walking in that is no fun, so instead we are going to stay in the house and do some Easter and Spring crafts. Spring is coming to our house, one way or another.


On another note. I went to my Dr’s yesterday to get the results of my blood work and early gestational diabetes screen. My blood work was within the normal range, but just barely. So I am on a modified GD diet to try and control it and stop the dizzy spells, light headed feeling and headaches. I also need to stay active (not hard with 3 little ones) and try and get more rest (a little harder to accomplish) Yesterday I went to bed 1 hr after the kids did. And I actually fell asleep pretty quick and feel pretty good this morning so I am thinking that even just that extra hour at night is going to be helpful. I am also going to lie down in the afternoon when Nick and Zoey nap and leave the cleaning for when I have time while the kids are up and playing, or when Hubs is home. I am relieved it’s nothing too serious and I should be able to control it 100% with some simple lifestyle changes. I also got to hear Bean’s heartbeat. I love hearing that sound. Best sound ever! I can’t wait for my ultrasound next month. I am so excited to find out if Bean is a boy or girl!

Love, hugs and more to come later!


It’s six o clock in the morning. It’s still dark outside. I am currently having my first coffee of the day. Nick is sitting next to me watching Little Einsteins on TV. He and I have been up for two hours. This was after being up for an hour with Alex. Love nights like that. It leaves me sitting here in the ‘morning’ thinking. About all kinds of things.

This morning the biggest thing on my mind is moving in four months. Almost exactly four months from now. I am looking forward to actually being in Winnipeg, but the process; the packing, the cleaning, the moving, the driving, the goodbyes… not so much. I moved out to NB four and a half years ago. In that four and a half years I got married, found out I was pregnant four times and gave birth to three babies. Without my friends and family that I had grown up with in Winnipeg, I needed to build a whole new support system for myself. Hubs had friends and family here but they are all an hour+ away from us. That didn’t really help with our day to day needs.

The first person I got to know here was someone I have previously referred to as Jane. I am going to keep that name here. I met her within a couple weeks of moving here when I found a job at a call center. Her family has become my extending family. Her first son is 7 months older then Alex. Her second son is 4 months older then Nick. Her third child is going to be less then 6 weeks older then baby 4. But I will probably not meet her little girl who is due in August. The same time we are moving. This makes me really sad. When we first met, we lived about a 10 minute walk away from each other. Since then we have both moved into military housing and were conveniently assigned houses that are only 4 houses apart. My kids see her kids all the time. Her and I talk all the time. I am going to miss her. And her mom. And the rest of her wonderful family. My kids are going to miss them. It’s going to be weird to not just walk down the street for a play date on the days we are bored. It’s going to be weird not to see her excited face come see me in the hospital after I give birth. I cry just thinking about it.

Another of my closest friends is T. T and I haven’t known each other for as long as I have known Jane, but our friendship runs deep. T and I have known each other for a couple years but we have only really gotten close in the last year and a bit. T is one of the only people around here who has ever watch my kids. In fact, she is the only person besides Hubs, my parents or I to be left alone with all three of the kids. With my anxieties about leaving the kids, this is a big deal. T was one of the first people to meet Zoey when she was born (she was the only one to visit me in the hospital since my hospital stay was so very short). T has listened to me vent my way through so many problems and has helped me find my way out on the other side. I was there when T gave birth to baby L. I seen him before she did. I am going to miss not being around to see him grow. To watch him play with my babies. T and her mom, and her husband and her in laws have all become part of my extended family here. I am just as comfortable with these people as I am my own family. I am going to miss them all.

There are two other ladies I am going to desperately miss. They are the two ladies I go to coffee with one evening a week. When I first started going, they were perfect strangers. I started going to get me out of the house one evening a week to help me cope with my postpartum. These two ladies have become amazing friends to me. The three of us can talk, laugh and complain about anything without feeling judged. I look forward to Monday nights. I look forward to hearing about their weeks and being able to laugh at mine. It puts things into perspective for me. I love the fact that I am as comfortable with them as I am. We never run out of things to talk about and it’s not uncommon for me not to get home from coffee until after 10 or 11.

It’s going to be great having my family around. I know my parents cannot wait to have their grand babies closer to them. I know they are looking forward to sleep overs and spoiling and family dinners and everything else. I am too. But I am going to miss what I am giving up to get those things. I don’t regret the choice, and I don’t think I ever will, as much as I love the friends I have here. But goodbyes still suck. I need to find a special way to show each of these people how special they are to us. I need them all to know that I am going to miss them, and they are important to me.

I think pregnancy makes this even harder on me emotionally.

Love, hugs and more to come later!

Random Updates

I feel like I have been neglecting my blog that I was doing so good with for so long. It saddens me. But, seriously. The stuff going on right now is unreal and I am having a hard time keeping my head above water through most of it.

Today we had someone in from a moving company to give us a quote on how much it is going to cost us to move to Winnipeg. That’s right. Cost US. Not the military who is supposed to be paying for the move and conveniently waited until after the paperwork went through to let us know that they actually weren’t paying for it and we were on our own. The man who came in was very nice and promised to have our quote ready early next week to give us ample time to figure out our finances.

The process for Hubs release is proving to be a pain in the rear. With appointments to keep, memos to write, applications to fill out, decisions to make. Well you get it. Not to mention that he needs me to be as involved as I can be with it all since there is so much information that he just can’t keep up with it and bring it home to me accurately. Which means I need to also cope with the anxiety of leaving my kids with a babysitter. (Thank you so so so so much to T, who has graciously watched the monsters for us while I was out playing superwoman!)

I am trying not to whine and to focus on the positives with everything going on, but, sometimes I really just need to roar. We were honestly expecting the military to pay for the move (you know, since that’s what we were told was going to happen) and being told that we are on our own for a *roughly* $7,000 move is a huge hit. Especially when you don’t have that kind of money just lying around. Even if you do. It’s a lot.

The move is coming in about four and a half months. I am going to be 34-35 weeks pregnant when operation drive halfway across the country to our now home commences. This does not make my Dr happy. But, life is what it is and right now I only have a tiny illusion of control. My emotions on this move are a whole other post altogether, so we’ll just skip that for now.

Earlier this week I was sent in for a full blood work up and an early gestational screening. I still haven’t gained any weight which concerns my Dr. Especially coupled with the headaches, high blood pressure, dizzy spells, and incredibly low tolerance for anything sweet. I am supposed to get my results next week when I see my Dr for my 16 week check up. Fingers crossed that whatever is going on with this pregnancy is easily managed.

Alex has been a demon lately. I love that boy. But my goodness. He is a monster sometimes. His latest kick is telling me he doesn’t need to follow my rules. He has been losing privileges, which seems to be helping. I don’t care if he wants to talk back to me but I do desperately wish he would stop being mean to Nick. He won’t let Nick play with him at all. And when he does play with Nick, it inevitably leads to Nick crying.

Nick goes for his speech assessment next week, although he did surprise us by yelling ‘AINBOW’ when he seen a rainbow on the wall (being reflected from the window to the mirror to the wall) He has such an amazing understanding of what is going on, I am more and more convinced he is just a later talker then his brother was.

Zoey is going to be 1 next month. This concept is insane to me. Absolutely nutty. She really isn’t showing much of an interest in pulling herself up or even standing with assistance. (although she can do both) She prefers to crawl around. Which is fine. I am perfectly content to let her be a baby for awhile longer before she starts demanding her independence.

I guess those are the big things going on right now. I am going to try to get back into blogging more often. There just don’t seem to be enough hours in the day for me to do everything I want to do. I am still reading some of my favorite blogs when I can grab a few minutes and I will keep doing that! The kids and I are going to be doing some Easter crafts, so I am sure there will be a post on those coming up soon!

Love, hugs and more to come later!

My Fairy Tale

Almost 5 years ago I made a choice. I made a choice to leave everything and everyone I knew for a chance at a relationship with someone I was falling for. At first it was all sunshine and butterflies. But then real life set in and I didn’t think it was going to work. Things weren’t going as perfect as I thought they would. And I was ready to give up. Then I stumbled across this quote and everything changed.

It’s not about having the perfect relationship. It’s about having someone who will be there through everything without giving up.

When I first moved to NB to be with Hubs, I wasn’t working and he was only  required to go into work once a day to report in due to an injury. We were able to spend all our time together and things were going great. After a couple weeks, I found a job and he started working full time again.

My job required me to be at work from 4pm until 1am. Hubs was working 7am until 4pm. I seen him for about 30 minutes at lunchtime and that was it. He was sleeping when I got home and I was gone before he got home from work. My days off were Monday and Thursday. He had weekends off. We had a few hours on the weekend to spend together, but I was sleeping most of the morning away and then I needed to get ready for work. It sucked. I was in a new home, where I knew next to nobody and I couldn’t even spend anytime with the man I had moved here to be with.

We started arguing more. I was stressed and depressed and intentionally picking fights with him. I missed home. I missed my family. My friends. I told him that this wasn’t working. That I wasn’t happy. He asked why. After I explained it all, I went to work. I was planning on using my next pay check to get home. In my head, things were pretty much over. And it sucked. It hurt. I hated it. After about an hour I had to leave work. I had a wicked migraine. Hubs picked me up and put me to bed.

When I woke up later that night, he told me to quit my job. To him that was the biggest cause of how I was feeling. I wasn’t convinced. It felt wrong to sit at home all day while he worked. But he was right. I wanted our relationship to work, and we could live off what he made. So I agreed to give it a shot.

I spent my days being a house wife. I cooked. I cleaned. I baked. And I surfed the internet. There wasn’t much else to do. I was still stressed out that people were going to think that I was using him. Or worse, that he would think I was using him. (People did think I was using him. He and I got a fair share of comments from people, but that isn’t an important part of the story) I still entertained the thought of moving back home. And then I seen that quote.

It’s not about having the perfect relationship. It’s about having someone who will be there through everything without giving up.

And I realized that he was happy. And I could be happy. He didn’t resent me. Sure, it wasn’t what I had planned when I moved across the country to live with him, but he and I were both happy with each other. I planned on working and supporting myself, but in a way I was pulling my own weight with the cooking and cleaning I was doing. I was running our house while he worked. I wasn’t sitting around. Sure it wasn’t perfect, but why give up over something that is clearly not a  problem to him?anniversary

We went on to plan our wedding. When we started planning our wedding it was going rough. We agreed to have our wedding in Winnipeg but when we announced the date to his family (along with the location) we received a lot of criticism. In the end, we eloped. We were supposed to elope April 1st, but since Hubs couldn’t take any leave until the first we moved it to April 2nd. And it was perfect. It was us.

Once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, Love gives you a fairy tale

Now we have been married for four years. It has been the most exciting, insane, stressful, chaotic, four years ever. Four years seems like such a small amount of time. And yet, it seems like the longest four years ever.

In the last four years Hubs and I have had our ups and downs. He has stood by me through everything. He has stood next to me through hormonal pregnancies, labors and deliveries, postpartum depression and anxiety, not getting enough coffee, money troubles, health issues, long nights, crying babies, crying me, snow storms, black outs, sickness, health, good times, bad times, and every other thing that has come our way. The only words I know to thank him for all he is and all he has done are ‘I love you’. And I do. I love him from now until eternity. There is no one else on Earth I love the way I love the man I married.

Our relationship isn’t perfect. I don’t imagine it ever will be. But neither of us is giving up. And we are both giving 100% of what we are to it. At the end of each day I know I can count on Hubs, and I know that he knows he can count on me.

It’s been four years, and we’ve come a long way. I can’t wait to see where our journey takes us next.

Love, hugs and more to come later!