And then he turned 5

what! Alex is FIVE!!! How did this even happen. My goodness. It’s crazy.


First off, I love you. So so much. You made me a mom. You gave me confidence even though I still constantly question myself. In you I see so much of me it’s eerie. I hope you can take those qualities and be an amazing human. In the last year you’ve shown me so much. You’re so intuitive. Smart. Strong and amazing.

You have a joy that can’t be brought down. A curiosity that can’t be satisfied. And it amazes me. You’re always so full of questions. Always so intrigued by everything around you. Youre an amazing big brother to Nick Zoey and Emma. You’re always so willing to help and always so eager to explore.

Never lose that baby boy. And never forget that dad and I are always here for you. No matter what. You’re going to do amazing things in this life. You already have.

I love you to the moon and back my sweet boy. But please please stop growing so fast!





I wish I had been blogging more this year. I got an email today and I only posted 48 times this year. That makes me sad. This year has been so intense.

Today I am reeling. Reeling with milestones. News.

Alex turned 5 today. FIVE!!! WTH!!! But I will post about his big day tomorrow. Because today there is something even heavier weighing on me.

Hubs went and seen his neurologist today. His condition has been worsening. Steadily. He has been labelled as Permanently Impaired. We have been working hard to wrap our heads around this.

And then today. Today after so many appointments. So many Drs. So many tests. The neurologist points out that his B12 is low. And has been for awhile. And most of his symptoms, his worst symptoms, can be attributed to a B12 deficiency. HOW DID NO ONE THINK TO MENTION THIS TO US EVER.

Why? How? How did this get missed? We are doing brain scans and MRIs and CT scans and Nerve tests and the list goes on. We are hearing about MS, Brain Lesions, Parkinson’s. So many scary things. So many maybes.

We are changing our lifestyles. Making decisions. All based on this mystery disease that is disabling my not even thirty year old husband.

He gave up his career. We moved across the country. Gave up everything. Suffered through depression and marriage issues I never thought we would face.

This answer seems so simple.

I am so angry that it was missed.

So scared it’s not the real answer.

So scared it’s another false hope that maybe we found the problem. That maybe it can be fixed.

So scared it won’t be the answer. Scared of the depression we are both going to face when we realize he’s not improving. When the placebo effect wears off. When he suddenly starts getting worse again.

So angry at everything we lost.

So grateful we have worked through our issues and this didn’t ruin our marriage.

Stay tuned, I will post again soon.

Love, Hugs and more to come later