Hubs and I made a really tough choice recently. It started back in August. I was chatting on Facebook with Hubs mom who we will call E. E was talking about how much she missed the kids and how she wished she could come see them. We had some extra money so I offered to fly her out here for Thanksgiving. (I’m Canadian so this was in October)
Now. E and I have never ever had a good relationship. Right from the start she was opposed to my relationship with hubs. I don’t really know why. She didn’t come to our wedding. She was angry when we found out our first child was a boy. When Alex was born though, he looked just like hubs and she seemed to get over her hatred of me. Until I had Nick. Nick has never been good enough for her. She has always favored Alex. Even when we had the girls. It was always all about Alex.
Right after I invited her I knew I’d screwed up. But I couldn’t change it. It was done. Hubs and I talked and agreed we could make the best of the weekend for the kids.
It. Was. The. Biggest. Mistake. Of. My. Life. I have never had someone come into my home and be so incredibly disrespectful to me. She openly criticized my parenting in front of my children. She told my four year old that I had to many rules and that I made him do more then daddy does. She criticized my husband and his disabilities. She was rude. She ignored Nick Zoey and Emma. She only really interacted with Alex. Going as far as telling the younger kids she had to use the washroom and then looking for Alex to play with. I have never felt to angry.
After her visit, I talked to hubs and decided to send her a message telling her that I didn’t appreciate her being so disrespectful and expressing a want to work things out. She didn’t even reply.
Over the next couple days, the kids were acting out like crazy. I couldn’t figure it out. Alex and Nick could NOT get along. Which is so weird for them. I sat Nick down and he wouldn’t talk (surprise) so I went to Alex. Alex told me I was a mean mom. That daddy didn’t clean so why should he. That Nick got more hugs then him. That he wanted grandma back cause she only snuggled him. She wasn’t busy like I can be. Over the last couple weeks getting Alex to do chores (which he’s always been willing to do) has been a battle. He tells me I have too many rules. That he loves grandma better then me. That he doesn’t care what I want him to do. This is not my four year old. This is my four year old repeating things he shouldn’t have heard.
So hubs and I sat down and had a heart to heart about it. I told him that I didn’t want such a disrespectful, negative influence in our children’s lives. He agreed. I also told him that I didn’t feel it was fair to cut her out without talking to her. He again agreed. So I messaged her again.
I explained that I wanted her and I to be able to co exist. That I want her in my kids lives. But also that if she wasn’t willing to work things out with me, wasn’t willing to apologize and show me respect as her sons wife and grandchildren’s mother, I would cut her out of their lives.
The great thing about Facebook messaging is I can see that she read the message. But she hasn’t responded. In any way. She hasn’t called. She hasn’t messaged either of us.
Cutting her out is a hard choice. But what else is a mom to do.
Love, hugs and more to come later