A World of Firsts

There is a first time for everything. Every single thing you do in a day, you did for the first time at some point in your life.
Think about that.
Even the things that are so… Routine. At some point, there was a first. Ever stop and think about it? Celebrate it?
When you cook your husband his breakfast before work… Do you remember the first time you did it? Do you remember what you made him? Did you burn it? Were you nervous about whether he would like it?
Do you remember the first kiss? First hug? First time you knew. Like really knew?
Lately I’ve been struggling. I feel like I’m lost within myself. I’m consumed with the emotions that come with being done having babies. I’m consumed with the past and the memories. I’m obsessed with the stress and struggles I have everyday raising 4 kids and helping Hubs cope with his depression and chronic pain.
But last night… Last night something happened.
I curled up in bed beside Hubs who was snoring. I snuggled against him and in his sleep he wrapped his arms around me and murmured that he loved me.
My heart melted. I was brought back to the first time I heard those words come from him. The excitement I felt. He tells me he loves me dozens of times in a day. But I don’t often think about that first time. I don’t often think about the magic that was there with all our firsts.
Last night I did. And I don’t think I’ve ever loved my husband more.
I remember the first hug. Kiss. I love you. Argument. I remember the struggle I went through when I chose to leave my family and friends and move across the country to be with him. I remember the look in his eyes when he seen me in the airport. The smile. The joy. I remember how I felt. The excitement, nervousness. The love, joy.
In all the turmoil, the stress, the exhaustion I’d forgotten our innocence. The beauty of young love. The feeling of exhilaration I used to have.
But last night I remembered.
Today I remember.
And I’m going to remind myself to remember tomorrow.
Our world is constantly changing. And there are always new things happening. New memories that replace the old.
But those firsts are never going to happen again. And I don’t want to forget them.

Love, hugs and more to come later
Lynn

Advertisements