The Mommy Wars

I am very happy to say that today I noticed that my guest post was published on End the Mommy Wars blog. You can read my story on potty training here.

There is a reason that ending the mommy wars and stopping moms passing judgement on one another is very important.  There is a reason that I needed to sign the Mom Pledge.

I’ve never really explained my reasons. But today I am going to. Not because I feel like I need to defend myself. But because I want to.

I have stated in the past that I have been judged for my choices as a Mom. And I have stated before that I dealt with Postpartum depression and Anxiety after each of my children were born. It wasn’t bad after Alex and it hasn’t been too bad since having Zoey. But after Nick it was bad. Really super bad. I didn’t bond very well with him at first. Looking at us today you wouldn’t know that. But it has affected all the relationships in my household.

My husband bonded more with Nick than he did with the other kids, because he was making up for my lack of interest in him. I was more than willing to pass off all the feedings, diapers etc to him. I didn’t want to do any of that. If Alex needed me, I was there, if Nick needed me… it was harder to want to be there. I was still there. I tended to his needs. But there wasn’t the same emotional attachment to him. This affected how Hubs bonded to Zoey. Because I didn’t have the same problems bonding to her, he wasn’t as hands on with her and felt as though he wasn’t bonding to her at all. Thankfully, after him and I discussing this, he has realized this isn’t the case, he loves his little girl as much as he loves his little boys. I have no doubts about that.

When I decided to get pregnant with Zoey, the troubles I had with Nick played a big factor in that decision. I didn’t want to have another baby if I was going to have a hard time bonding to him/her. That wouldn’t be fair to me, the baby, the boys, or my husband. So I did some serious thinking about what contributed to those feelings. I figured it out pretty quick.

I realized that when I got pregnant with Nick, there were a lot of people who made negative comments and criticized that I would even keep the baby. (I know right.. imagine having someone tell you that you should’ve aborted your baby because your kids were to close together. Talk about mind boggling) There were comments about how I was being unfair to Alex by having another baby so soon. There were people who told me it was so so so hard and I would struggle with it. So few people said to me ‘You’re a good mom. You can so this. It’ll be tough, but you’ll figure it out’ The majority of it was ‘omg, you’re crazy.’  So I knew that I needed to get those people out of my life.

After I got the obviously negative people out, that left the more subtle people. Those people were harder to weed out. But by the time I had Zoey I had gotten rid of them. And you know what? My postpartum issues, were so so so minimal compared to what they were after Nick.

Part of me wishes that I could go back and not have the issues I did after I had Nick. But a bigger part of me cherishes the fact that I was able to build a strong bind with him in spite of our rough start. When his first word was Momma, my heart melted. And I am glad that those experiences gave me the voice I need to tell those negative people to shut up. I sincerely hope that my story can help even one mom not feel so alone. And realize that there are people out there who don’t just want to judge. I may not be the perfect mom, but I am perfect for my kids.

I encourage everyone to take the Mom Pledge and support one another instead of judging one another.

Love, hugs and more to come later!

Lynn

A Poem to End the Mommy Wars

I seen this poem on Huffington Post and I loved it so much that I wanted to share it here. I didn’t write it, and none of the credit for it is mine. It was written by Kim Simon, and you can see the original post here.

 

It’s 10 p.m. in my house, and the kids are both asleep.
The tiny one is swaddled, and finally breathing deep.
My 4-year-old is tucked in tight, his blanket on his head.
I’m typing away by the glow of the screen,
though my body is pleading for bed.
You see it’s almost midnight, and that’s when the games begin.
My baby wakes up starving to death, and smiles his gummy grin.
I whip out my boob before he can scream, and he curls up on to my chest.
I close my eyes and start to drift…
I rarely remember the rest.
But one thing’s for sure in the dead of the night, when I’m nursing by the light of my phone.
I stare out the window and I imagine you’re there,
and I know that I’m never alone.
So this is your personal invite, to the party that I throw in my head.
It’s nice to think that there’s mamas like me, and that no one is comfy in bed.
See, when my baby spits up and it lands in my bra, I know that yours just did the same.
You might be in Utah or Kalamazoo, and I’ll never discover your name.
But you’re out there like me, with your babe in your arms,
and you pray that he won’t make a sound.
When you get up to transfer him back to the crib,
and his binkie falls onto the ground.
His wail fills the air, and you let out a curse,
yet Daddy still snores like a train.
Moms can get by on just three hours sleep,
but The Daddy will always complain.
There are millions of mamas like me and like you,
who are doing the night-feeding dance.
Every three hours we cuddle our babes,
even as they blow-out their pants.
There’s a dance that we do, all the mamas and I,
a dance that’s known only to us.
It’s a sway to the left and a bounce to the right,
when the baby is starting to fuss.
It’s a pace down the hall and a rock in the chair,
a song whispered ever so slow.
We share the same rituals and bedtime routines,
so I think that you already know…
That it really won’t matter if you bottle it up
or if milk sprays right out of your chest.
We’re all feeding babies with love in our hearts,
while praying for a little more rest.
So pull out your boobies or measure your scoops,
Relax in your comfiest chair.
When you’re fed up and flustered or just tired and mad,
look outside and you’ll know that we’re there.
You can find us on Facebook when we comment on posts,
we put pictures on IG and Twitter.
When the baby’s still up and won’t settle back down,
we’ve been known to search Etsy for “glitter.”
The books like to say that the magic will come
at 6 months or 9 months for most.
But until then, we’ll search for tired mommies like us,
who leave comments on Huffington Post.
There’s strength in our numbers,
the Moms of The Night…
We’re weary, we’re hungry, we’re up ’till it’s light.
We’re hardcore, we’re shopping, we’re living the dream.
We’re slipping, we’re fading, we’re ready to scream.
We’re drowning in onesies and burp rags and toys.
We’re loving the heck out of our girls and boys.
But mamas get tired and pushed to the brink,
we leave laundry unfolded and dishes in the sink.
So cut us some slack if we still lose our shit,
we’re warriors, we’re troopers, and we’ve vowed not to quit.
This feeding thing is hard though we’re doing it well.
With nipple shields, pumps, and some lanolin gel.
We use formula, breastmilk, bottles and pads.
We’ll do anything possible to nourish our lads.
We’re the same in the long run, no fighting allowed.
We’re all doing our best, we deserve to feel proud.
Now it’s almost that time when my oldest wakes up.
He needs water, a hug, “No, that’s not the right cup!”
And as soon as he’s snuggled right back in his bed,
the baby wakes up ’cause he needs to be fed.
So I’m off to the trenches but I’ll see you real soon,
Remember the mamas all share the same moon.
So swaddle your babies and then raise your glasses,
let’s cheers to the motherhood kicking our asses.

 

I hope you enjoyed the poem!