A Poem to End the Mommy Wars

I seen this poem on Huffington Post and I loved it so much that I wanted to share it here. I didn’t write it, and none of the credit for it is mine. It was written by Kim Simon, and you can see the original post here.

 

It’s 10 p.m. in my house, and the kids are both asleep.
The tiny one is swaddled, and finally breathing deep.
My 4-year-old is tucked in tight, his blanket on his head.
I’m typing away by the glow of the screen,
though my body is pleading for bed.
You see it’s almost midnight, and that’s when the games begin.
My baby wakes up starving to death, and smiles his gummy grin.
I whip out my boob before he can scream, and he curls up on to my chest.
I close my eyes and start to drift…
I rarely remember the rest.
But one thing’s for sure in the dead of the night, when I’m nursing by the light of my phone.
I stare out the window and I imagine you’re there,
and I know that I’m never alone.
So this is your personal invite, to the party that I throw in my head.
It’s nice to think that there’s mamas like me, and that no one is comfy in bed.
See, when my baby spits up and it lands in my bra, I know that yours just did the same.
You might be in Utah or Kalamazoo, and I’ll never discover your name.
But you’re out there like me, with your babe in your arms,
and you pray that he won’t make a sound.
When you get up to transfer him back to the crib,
and his binkie falls onto the ground.
His wail fills the air, and you let out a curse,
yet Daddy still snores like a train.
Moms can get by on just three hours sleep,
but The Daddy will always complain.
There are millions of mamas like me and like you,
who are doing the night-feeding dance.
Every three hours we cuddle our babes,
even as they blow-out their pants.
There’s a dance that we do, all the mamas and I,
a dance that’s known only to us.
It’s a sway to the left and a bounce to the right,
when the baby is starting to fuss.
It’s a pace down the hall and a rock in the chair,
a song whispered ever so slow.
We share the same rituals and bedtime routines,
so I think that you already know…
That it really won’t matter if you bottle it up
or if milk sprays right out of your chest.
We’re all feeding babies with love in our hearts,
while praying for a little more rest.
So pull out your boobies or measure your scoops,
Relax in your comfiest chair.
When you’re fed up and flustered or just tired and mad,
look outside and you’ll know that we’re there.
You can find us on Facebook when we comment on posts,
we put pictures on IG and Twitter.
When the baby’s still up and won’t settle back down,
we’ve been known to search Etsy for “glitter.”
The books like to say that the magic will come
at 6 months or 9 months for most.
But until then, we’ll search for tired mommies like us,
who leave comments on Huffington Post.
There’s strength in our numbers,
the Moms of The Night…
We’re weary, we’re hungry, we’re up ’till it’s light.
We’re hardcore, we’re shopping, we’re living the dream.
We’re slipping, we’re fading, we’re ready to scream.
We’re drowning in onesies and burp rags and toys.
We’re loving the heck out of our girls and boys.
But mamas get tired and pushed to the brink,
we leave laundry unfolded and dishes in the sink.
So cut us some slack if we still lose our shit,
we’re warriors, we’re troopers, and we’ve vowed not to quit.
This feeding thing is hard though we’re doing it well.
With nipple shields, pumps, and some lanolin gel.
We use formula, breastmilk, bottles and pads.
We’ll do anything possible to nourish our lads.
We’re the same in the long run, no fighting allowed.
We’re all doing our best, we deserve to feel proud.
Now it’s almost that time when my oldest wakes up.
He needs water, a hug, “No, that’s not the right cup!”
And as soon as he’s snuggled right back in his bed,
the baby wakes up ’cause he needs to be fed.
So I’m off to the trenches but I’ll see you real soon,
Remember the mamas all share the same moon.
So swaddle your babies and then raise your glasses,
let’s cheers to the motherhood kicking our asses.

 

I hope you enjoyed the poem! 

 

The Mom Pledge

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Recently on Facebook I started following a page called ‘End the Mommy Wars’  I joined it because, quite frankly, I am sick and tired of being bullied for the choices that I make as a Mom. Through this page I heard of ‘The Mom Pledge’ I have decided to take the pledge. 

The Mom Pledge

 I am a proud to be a mom. I will conduct myself with integrity in all my online activities. I can lead by example.

I know my children learn from my attitudes and actions. I promise to model respectful, compassionate behavior.   It starts with me.

I pledge to treat my fellow moms with respect. I will acknowledge that there is no one, “right” way to be a good mom. Each woman makes the choices best for her family.

 I believe a healthy dialogue on important issues is a good thing. I will welcome differing opinions when offered in a respectful, non-judgmental manner. And will treat those who do so in kind.

I stand up against cyber bullying. My online space reflects who I am and what I believe in. I will not tolerate comments that are defamatory, hateful or threatening.

 I refuse to give those who attack a platform. I will remove their remarks with no mention or response. I can take control.

I want to see moms work together to build one another up, not tear each other down. Words can be used as weapons. I will not engage in that behavior.

 I affirm that we are a community. As a member, I will strive to foster goodwill among moms. Together, we can make a difference.  

 

I know I am not perfect. But I also know that I am perfect for my kids. I have used different methods for each of my three children. Because, like every other child in the world, they are all different. I have co slept, taught my children to self soothe, baby wore, used baby led everything and encouraged a schedule. I formula feed my children, but my best friend plans to breastfeed and because of that I have educated myself on breastfeeding and learned how I can support her through that journey. 

All Moms and Dads deserve to have support for their choices. Even if it’s not the choice we would make for ourselves. 

 

Love, hugs and more to come later

Lynn

A bit of a Sunday night rant

I don’t normally post twice in one day. In fact, I try not too. I try to make my posts mean a little more than just random ramblings because I am bored. And, you know, three kids keeps me pretty busy so I often don’t have time to post numerous times a day, in fact, it usually takes me sitting down more than once to finish a post. But today I am angry and I need to rant. I am afraid if I don’t get these feelings out I am going to lose my freaking mind. And no one wants to see that happen.

I have three kids. This is a well known and, quite frankly, obvious fact. (Especially if you see me out with said children) But I am getting really really agitated with people’s comments about us having another child. I don’t really mind when people ask us if we are planning on having another child. I am honest and tell them we don’t know yet. (We agreed we don’t want to tell people no, because we don’t want people to make comments if we decide that we do, and vice versa) Because, quite honestly, we DON’T know yet if we want another child. It’s a big decision and while I am not ready to be on board with a vasectomy, I am also not ready to be on board with going through another pregnancy. Zoey is 2 months old.

So people ask, and we are honest and say we don’t know. Then we get the comments like these ones: (and this is what is really agitating and hurting me)

‘I don’t know why you would even consider another one, you obviously already have your hands full’ –said to me by a close friend when the boys were getting antsy waiting for Daddy to bring them their lunch while we were at the mall and I was entertaining them with toys while Zoey slept 

‘If you guys do have another one, make sure you wait until the two older ones are out of diapers. Diapers are expensive.’ Hmm really? Are they? Are they really? Obviously I know this. And obviously at least Alex would be out of diapers. The kid is 2.5 years old and since I am not having a baby tomorrow, I’m sure it’s safe to say I won’t have 4 in diapers. 

‘Don’t you think you’re stretched thin enough with 3? Eventually the kids will suffer from you having so many. I think you should stop.’ Great. Thanks for your opinion. I don’t remember asking for it though. 

‘Wow you guys really have your hands full with the kids. I can hardly handle one, 4 is excessive don’t you think?’ No. Actually I don’t think so at all. I can handle my three children just fine. Just because you can hardly handle your one child, doesn’t mean no one is meant to have more then one child. 

‘Oh. I thought for sure you of all people would be done after 3!’

I guess my point is, why are people bothering to ask me if I want to have another baby? Is it to make sure that I’m not? Do people think that I am a bad mom and shouldn’t have kids? Maybe I am being overly sensitive, but right now I am really bothered by these comments.  Most of them come from people close to us. That hurts the most. The strangers who make comments don’t bother me too much, they don’t know me, our situation or anything else. But these comments are from family, friends and neighbors. It makes me wonder if I am making a mistake in potentially wanting to have another baby. Maybe three is too many already.

Normally my attitude is eff them. It’s our life, it’s our choice.  But today, I don’t feel that way. Today I feel like a horrible person for even thinking about wanting another baby. But, it doesn’t change the fact that as complete as I feel with my three babies, I would love to have one more. Maybe soon I will have clarity on the subject. For today, Zoey is 2 months and 1 day old and ready for a bottle.

Love, hugs and more to come later

Lynn

Mommy Wars… WHY?!?

Recently I noticed that there is a lot of attention on Kate Middleton and her pregnancy and her impending birth. And I mean really, why not. It’s a pretty big deal. That baby is the potential heir to the throne. Obviously there is going to be some interest. BUT I have a problem with the things we seem to be taking an interest in. I totally see the curiosity of whether the baby is going to be a boy or a girl. And what names they may be considering.  But.  What gives us the right to even care if she is planning a c-section or a natural birth? Why should it matter to us who she is planning on having in the room with her?  How does it affect any of us that she is choosing to stay with her mom for a few weeks after having the baby instead of residing in royal residence and isn’t hiring a maternity nurse? I seen some comments criticizing the fact she (and other people in high places) hand pick their Drs and the nurses that attend their birth. Seriously. You don’t understand why they might be particular about who is attending their birth? I would be too if I was worried about who might sell the story to the highest bidder.

The one that gets to me the most though. Is this one. In the last paragraph, the writer states that we need the Duchess to breastfeed. Really? We NEED her to breastfeed? And more then that, we NEED her to be willing to have her pictures taken while she feeds her baby so that the world is more likely to breastfeed? WHY ARE WE SPENDING SO MUCH TIME JUDGING ONE ANOTHER OVER OUR CHOICES?? Why can’t we leave this woman to make her own choices based on what is best for her and her baby? Maybe  she is perfectly okay with breastfeeding but she isn’t comfortable whipping out her ‘royal orbs’ for someone to take a picture of her to show off to the world. And why the hell should we expect her too? Maybe she isn’t on board with the whole idea of breastfeeding in general. Maybe, like so many other women she is going to choose to formula feed right from day one. Maybe she is going to try to breastfeed and it just isn’t going to work out for her, for one of a million reasons. Who the hell are we to judge her for that?? Why should any of us even CARE as long as the baby is healthy and taken care of? Are we also going to start watching to see if and when her child is vaccinated? Or whether she co sleeps? Baby wears? Has her son circumcised? Pierces her daughters ears? Uses the CIO method? Spanks? Uses time outs? Has her babies far apart? Close together? Uses cloth diapers? Disposables? Pumps? The list goes on and on.

It’s not just in the case of  Kate Middleton and other famous people. I see the judgement everywhere. I made my choices that were best for my family and I. I formula fed. I co slept with Alex until he was 2. Nick has slept on his own since birth with the exception of maybe 10 occasions where he was in my bed. Zoey is about 50/50 in her bed and in mine. I hardly baby wore the boys. I babywear Zoey all the time. It works better for me to be able to hold her and have my hands free for the boys. I used the CIO method with Alex. I never used it with Nick. Or Zoey. I pureed all of Alex’s baby food for him from 4 months old. Nick started eating chunks of food at about 7 months old and skipped purees all together.  The list goes on.  My point, is EVERY SINGLE CHILD IS DIFFERENT. As is every Momma. It’s time for us to realize this and instead of judging Momma’s for doing things differently than we do, embrace the diversity that we have as mothers and offer advice and education without criticizing the choice or the outcome. Just because something works for you, doesn’t mean it’s right for everyone. Let’s encourage each other as moms. We all started this journey having no experience, and we are all learning as we go. Slapping pictures of Kate Middleton breastfeeding the royal baby all over the place isn’t going to affect the number of women who successfully breastfeed. Maybe more women would if there was more education on it, but at the end of the day, there are a lot of healthy babies out there who weren’t breastfed, and a lot of healthy ones who were breastfed. I hate the saying Breast is Best. Maybe it is. Maybe it isn’t. But we should all be encouraged to do what feels right, not guilted into sticking with something that isn’t working out the way it should because society says it’s the best thing to do.

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Love, hugs and more to come later.

Lynn