A New Chapter

Next week Alex starts kindergarten. I have a really hard time wrapping  my heart around it. In my eyes he’s still my little blue eyed, blond haired, roly poly baby.


It takes a lot of faith in myself to let him go to school. To walk away from him everyday. To know he’s ready. 
Have I taught him enough?  Coddled him too much? Socialized him enough? Am I strong enough to put on a brave face and not show him how scared I am to let him go.


I know he’ll be fine. Deep inside I do. Deep down I know that there are thousands of mom’s feeling just as I am. Deep down I know that he’s ready. Hubs and I have done all we can. Now we need to let him spread his wings a little bit.


This boy was my first. My first child. He puked on me first. Walked first. Called me momma. Hugged me. Him and I will always have a bond that’s a little different then the other kids. Him and I did a lot of trial and error together that the other kids got to avoid.


The last almost 5 years have gone so fast. It’s hard to believe it’s already time to take this step. He’s excited. He’s ready. He’s ready because I’ve invested my time and energy into him. He’s ready because I’ve helped him be ready.


We’ve had so many adventures together. But this one is his. I always enjoyed school. And I hope he does too. I hope he makes friends and I hope he accepts people who are different. I hope he isn’t bullied but more than that I hope he isn’t classified a bully. I hope he’s challenged but I he doesn’t struggle.


I hope he doesn’t lose himself trying to fit in. I hope he has the strength and courage to stand up for what’s right. I hope he knows we’ll love and accept  him whoever he becomes. That his dad and I made bad choices too. That we’ll forgive his.


I can’t wait to see who he becomes. How he’s going to grow. I can’t wait to see his pride in himself when he figures out a hard math problem.  Or masters reading.


I wish we weren’t at this milestone yet.  But here we are. I need to let go a little bit. To demonstrate to him how to be brave. To not let him see my cry. To show him I’m proud of him. To keep the pain of him growing up to myself.


Let your light shine my sweet little boy. To me you’ll always be my blue eyed, blond haired, roly poly baby.



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