Losing my mind….

I am pretty sure I am slowly going insane. This isn’t some ha ha joking post about being crazy for having four kids either. I legitimately think I am going crazy.

I can’t control my thoughts. I realize that sounds insane. I’m not suicidal. Or thinking about hurting anyone. Other then maybe that stupid person in the gas station who called me fat. But that’s not my point.

Guys my brain is telling me things. Crazy things. Like how amazing it would be to have another baby. The joy in finding out I am pregnant. The ultrasound. The heartbeat. Ah. I want it all. The kicks. The labor. The baby. The diapers.  The teething. The crying. The smiles. The hugs. The love.

We can’t have any more babies. 1- Christian got a vasectomy over a year ago and is 100% against a reversal (I know,  because I asked) and 2- I’m not in a stable mental place and I already have my hands, heart and home full with my four amazing babies.

But that feeling. It’s there.  6 months ago I swore I was over it. But today I want it so bad.
I’m losing it. Seriously losing it.

I hope these feelings pass soon. I can’t take this wanting something I can’t have .

5 thoughts on “Losing my mind….

  1. I am an avid being pregnant hater.. I don’t usually even like seeing pregnant women..and I’ve had that desire myself from time to time… And although you can’t have a baby.. it doesn’t mean you have to stop trying to have one πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰

  2. You had it before. Cherish the memories and go make some awesome new ones with your beautiful family. You just need to move to that next step. No diapers, no potty training, sleeping all night. So many wonderful things are coming your way.

  3. I have not experienced this feeling with wanting another child, but have felt out of control of my feelings all the time, every day. It is constant… is it because we are now mothers? I don’t know… that or maybe I am going crazy too. Hoping you feel more sane soon. πŸ™‚

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