Strange emotions

Today is a weird day. And this is a weird post to write. It’s something I feel I want to say, and yet something I’m afraid to say. I feel that I am allowed to feel whatever I feel. They are my emotions. And I’m entitled to them. But I feel guilty for even bringing it up.
I suppose that doesn’t make much sense.
Hubs went for his vasectomy today. In fact, he’s in right now getting it done. And I’m emotional about it. I don’t want any more babies. Four is enough for us. My body can’t handle anymore. My Dr told me the same thing. My Dr encouraged me to have a tubal after this baby.
And yet, I feel sad. I’m upset that we aren’t going to have the option to have any now babies. I’m sad that after this baby, this chapter of our lives is over.
And I feel guilty for feeling this way.
I know how blessed I am to have the babies I have. I understand that more then most people realize I do. I was told that I would have babies after I miscarried before I had Alex. Then Alex happened. Then Nick. Then Zoey. Then this baby. I definitely know how blessed we are.
But I’m still sad to have the option of more taken from us. Even if we are the ones who made that choice.
I’m pretty sure pregnancy hormones are making this harder then it needs to be.
Love, hugs and more to come later
Lynn

4 thoughts on “Strange emotions

  1. I don’t know how I will EVER feel “done” having kids, nor do I ever think I’d be able to have anything done to permanently stop it from happening, so I completely understand. We’re *not* planning to have more than five, but part of me wants to keep the option open. ๐Ÿ˜‰ *Hugs* I don’t think it’s just the hormones, but they probably aren’t helping. XO

    • Logically I know we shouldn’t have more. But part of me wants more. If not for my health reasons I wouldn’t have been okay with the surgery.
      It’s a hard thing to wrap my head around. Biology tells me to keep making babies!
      Thanks for understanding though ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. I totally understand how you can feel. Like Valerie, we have planned for four kids, but I don’t know if I’ll ever feel done. I’m sorry to hear that your doctor has told you that your body probably can’t handle any more babies. I mean, even though you wanted four kids and are going to have your fourth, no one likes to hear that all further options are closed. *Hugs* Lynn.

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