It’s six o clock in the morning. It’s still dark outside. I am currently having my first coffee of the day. Nick is sitting next to me watching Little Einsteins on TV. He and I have been up for two hours. This was after being up for an hour with Alex. Love nights like that. It leaves me sitting here in the ‘morning’ thinking. About all kinds of things.

This morning the biggest thing on my mind is moving in four months. Almost exactly four months from now. I am looking forward to actually being in Winnipeg, but the process; the packing, the cleaning, the moving, the driving, the goodbyes… not so much. I moved out to NB four and a half years ago. In that four and a half years I got married, found out I was pregnant four times and gave birth to three babies. Without my friends and family that I had grown up with in Winnipeg, I needed to build a whole new support system for myself. Hubs had friends and family here but they are all an hour+ away from us. That didn’t really help with our day to day needs.

The first person I got to know here was someone I have previously referred to as Jane. I am going to keep that name here. I met her within a couple weeks of moving here when I found a job at a call center. Her family has become my extending family. Her first son is 7 months older then Alex. Her second son is 4 months older then Nick. Her third child is going to be less then 6 weeks older then baby 4. But I will probably not meet her little girl who is due in August. The same time we are moving. This makes me really sad. When we first met, we lived about a 10 minute walk away from each other. Since then we have both moved into military housing and were conveniently assigned houses that are only 4 houses apart. My kids see her kids all the time. Her and I talk all the time. I am going to miss her. And her mom. And the rest of her wonderful family. My kids are going to miss them. It’s going to be weird to not just walk down the street for a play date on the days we are bored. It’s going to be weird not to see her excited face come see me in the hospital after I give birth. I cry just thinking about it.

Another of my closest friends is T. T and I haven’t known each other for as long as I have known Jane, but our friendship runs deep. T and I have known each other for a couple years but we have only really gotten close in the last year and a bit. T is one of the only people around here who has ever watch my kids. In fact, she is the only person besides Hubs, my parents or I to be left alone with all three of the kids. With my anxieties about leaving the kids, this is a big deal. T was one of the first people to meet Zoey when she was born (she was the only one to visit me in the hospital since my hospital stay was so very short). T has listened to me vent my way through so many problems and has helped me find my way out on the other side. I was there when T gave birth to baby L. I seen him before she did. I am going to miss not being around to see him grow. To watch him play with my babies. T and her mom, and her husband and her in laws have all become part of my extended family here. I am just as comfortable with these people as I am my own family. I am going to miss them all.

There are two other ladies I am going to desperately miss. They are the two ladies I go to coffee with one evening a week. When I first started going, they were perfect strangers. I started going to get me out of the house one evening a week to help me cope with my postpartum. These two ladies have become amazing friends to me. The three of us can talk, laugh and complain about anything without feeling judged. I look forward to Monday nights. I look forward to hearing about their weeks and being able to laugh at mine. It puts things into perspective for me. I love the fact that I am as comfortable with them as I am. We never run out of things to talk about and it’s not uncommon for me not to get home from coffee until after 10 or 11.

It’s going to be great having my family around. I know my parents cannot wait to have their grand babies closer to them. I know they are looking forward to sleep overs and spoiling and family dinners and everything else. I am too. But I am going to miss what I am giving up to get those things. I don’t regret the choice, and I don’t think I ever will, as much as I love the friends I have here. But goodbyes still suck. I need to find a special way to show each of these people how special they are to us. I need them all to know that I am going to miss them, and they are important to me.

I think pregnancy makes this even harder on me emotionally.

Love, hugs and more to come later!

2 thoughts on “Emotions

  1. Wow, you have been really blessed to have so many friends where you’ve been living! I wish I had that many women friends. And a coffee night! Lucky you! I see why it makes you so emotional. 😦

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