Take my Breath Away

The title of this post probably sounds like I am about to share some crazy romantic or sweet moment that happened. Or some crazy painful fall that knocked the air out of me. But, it’s neither.

It all started back when I was pregnant with Zoey. Hubs and I agreed we were done having babies after her. We were both okay with that choice and Hubs started getting his ducks in a row to have a vasectomy. But then, I wasn’t okay with it. So the night before his appointment I begged him not to go. He still didn’t want anymore babies, but I still needed some time to adjust to this.

Then I was okay with it. Then 4 days later I found out I was pregnant. Upon finding out I was pregnant Hubs told me he wanted to get the vasectomy before I had the baby. I was okay with this. I am okay with this. I was okay with this. Until about 10 minutes ago. When I got the text from him with the date. Then suddenly I couldn’t breath. It took my breath away. It’s real. I’ve known it’s real. I’ve known this was my last pregnancy. I knew after this baby we were done. I ‘knew’ we were done after Zoey. I know that my body can’t handle anymore babies. My Dr and I have talked about it.

Now… I just… I don’t know. It’s such a big deal. At the same time, I know it’s the right thing to do. I feel so torn. I know it’s the right path for us to take. And I know I am going to do much better not going on birth control after I have baby. (Birth control made my anxiety and depression worse after each of the kids and I reacted weird to birth control each time I was put on it and I needed to try various kinds each time)

My new mantra lately has been to focus on the positives…. so here goes my attempt…
1-No need to worry about having our chosen birth control in the house
2-No dealing with the stress of an unplanned pregnancy
3-I won’t need to try and find a pill that works with my postpartum self
4-Saving money

Love, hugs and more to come later!

*I want to say that I do 100% support my husband in this decision. As hard as it is right now for me to wrap my head around it, he and I made this decision together* (I’m also pregnant and hormonal ๐Ÿ˜‰ )

3 thoughts on “Take my Breath Away

  1. I get how you feel but you were so lucky to get a surprise bfp when you weren’t even trying to get pregnant so really what more could you ask for? If it were me though I’d wait just in case something went wrong (I have MC before) so that we could try again if we had to…not that you can “replace” a baby. And like you said, birth control sucks! LOL. I tell myself all the time it’s one of the “perks” of IF. Hugs and best wishes.

    • I completely agree that I was lucky to get the bfp when it wasn’t what the plan was. I definitely know how lucky I am, I suffered 3 miscarriages and I was told I couldn’t have babies before I conceived Alex. We decided not to wait even with the potential of something going wrong with this pregnancy. I just can’t do it again. This pregnancy is absurdly hard on me and I am going to follow my dr’s advice to not get pregnant again. Thanks for the well wishes ๐Ÿ™‚

      • I know what you mean. I worked until I was almost 36 weeks pregnant with the twins because being at home was just as hard/harder taking care of a toddler. Hang in there ๐Ÿ™‚

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