Being pregnant is one of the best and worst things I have ever experienced. I love being pregnant, the joy in the miracle of creating life inside me. Knowing that in the not too distant future I will be holding a child that Hubs and I created out of our love for each other. Feeling the baby kick. There is the other side too, the heartburn (which has only affecting me with Zoey and this pregnancy) morning sickness (which only affected me with Nick and Alex) and the hip pain (which has been present in all four pregnancies.
There is something else that has been present with pregnancy, the Hormones.
Hormones are a wonderfully horrible thing.
After I gave birth to Nick, I struggled with Postpartum depression and anxiety. It was present a little bit after I had Alex and Zoey, but nothing like after I has Nick.
While I was pregnant with Zoey, I went through periods of time where it would hit me a little bit but I was always able to shake it off and keep going. This time.. I feel like it is consuming me.
I feel like I am worrying over things not worth worrying over. And I am stressing over things I can’t control. I am always tired, but I can’t sleep.
Right now is one of those moments. Zoey is napping in her chair next to me and the boys are outside in the backyard with Hubs. (We were out there as a family, but Zoey was ready for a nap)
And me… I feel alone, separated, like I am on an island surrounded by fog and I can’t get through it.
I can’t seem to find the way right now.
Love, hugs, and more to come later