This week, I am at the lowest I have been in a long long time. The reason why isn’t important, and even if it were, it’s more personal then anything I am able to share. I say this, not for sympathy, but for understanding as to why it is so important for me to say what I need to say to the 5 people who mean the most to me in this world.
To my husband: I know we have been hit hard lately. We thought we were finally getting things on track to be able to give our children the best in life. This week has been especially hard on us. It seems as though it’s bad news followed by more bad news. But, we will get through this. We promised for better for for worse, in richness and poorness, through good health and bad. And I am proud of us for sticking so well to our promises. There are days when it would be so easy to give in and yell and scream at one another. To give up on presenting the illusion of being in control. But I can’t. I won’t. I love you. And those three words explain the best why I would never give up on you, or us, or our family.
Today, while I am up with the boys who suck and got up super early, I think back to when we met. The magic of seeing one another, the joy in a simple message from you. Things today are a lot different then they were back then. Yet, I still feel the same joy when you come walking through the door at the end of a long day. When you smile at me. Not to mention the amazing swell of love I feel when I see you with our children.
Things aren’t perfect. But that’s okay. I think perfection is just an illusion anyways. I can’t imagine loving you more or feeling more loved then I do by you. On that note, I wish you a Happy Valentine’s Day. I hope you love what the kids and I have decided to do for you today.
To my children: I love you. All four of you. There is nothing in this world that can bring out my emotions like you guys can. You guys bring so much joy to my life, there are no better Valentine’s in the world. I wish so much for you guys. I wish you guys happiness. I wish you joy. But most of all I wish to be able to raise you to understand that without a little bit of rain, you can’t have a rainbow. And for that reason, I also wish you rain. I wish for you to experience the greatest life has to offer, and I wish for you to understand and appreciate it. I wish for each of you to find the person in life that makes you as happy as your Daddy makes me.
I do my best to make everyday a great day for you guys. For you to go to bed happy and knowing just how loved you are. Every day is a new adventure and I am loving experiencing them all with you. As you grow and mature and start to do more and more for yourselves, I am so proud of you. And scared for you. I know that there will come a Valentine’s Day when you are saddened by the holiday. Where you will think of heart break and sadness. When that day comes, I want you to remember that you have 2 parents and 3 siblings who love you through it all. And while it doesn’t make up for the heartbreak you may feel one day, it’s still there. You are never alone.
I’m not a perfect Mom. To be honest I don’t try to be. I am the best I can be, and I love you to the moon and back. You are amazing little people and I am proud to call myself your Mom. Happy Valentine’s Day my babies. I love you.
To those of you who read and follow my blog, Happy Valentine’s Day to you too. Writing is a lot easier knowing that someone out there might care a little bit about me and the things I write. Even if we’ve never met.
Love, hugs, and more to come later!Lynn