Last night, I could not sleep. I had a heck of a time falling asleep and once I was sleeping, I was awake constantly! It was horrible. Hubs wasn’t in bed with me last night. He decided he was going to sleep on the couch. It’s okay… we weren’t fighting or anything. Even when we are in the midst of an argument we both sleep in our bed. But, he got the wonderful stomach bug that the rest of us have had in the last week. Thankfully, it’s a short lived bug. 18 hours for me. 9 for Alex. Even less for Nick. Nothing for Zoey. Thankfully. Hubs was less then 9 hours as well. He is feeling better this morning. Just tired. But, anyways…
I couldn’t sleep. There has been so much on my mind lately. And not having him in the bed was so weird that instead of sleeping, I was thinking. Some of my thoughts were mundane. Did I remember to check the back doors? What should I give the kids for breakfast in the morning? and so on. Some were exciting, we are planning a road trip to Ontario and Manitoba for April/May to see a friend get married and then to visit my family. Part was anticipation for today, I am starting to babysit a 4 month old today. In addition to my monsters, it should be a pretty great adventure. It’s part time for now until May when it will become full time. I love being around kids, and the more the merrier!
I also gave a lot of thought to the people around me. I have been a little frustrated with some of the people around me lately and I wish I knew how much of it was me and how much of it was actually a result of those people. I know some of the people that I am going to reference read my blog, and I am sure they will know I am referring to them. I want you to know that I am not writing this as a hint to you to change something, nor am I doing it to attack you. I am simply writing out how I feel and working through my emotions. In the last little while I have had plans with a couple different friends and all those plans end up cancelled. The people cancelling them have reasons for cancelling them. And I am not going to write those here and belittle those. They are real to those people and that’s not what I am trying to write about here. The other issue I am faced with is people who suddenly don’t have time to talk to me, or see me, or feel like a friend.
Now I don’t want to seem like that person who is whining because everyone isn’t paying attention to me. It’s not like that at all. And if it is coming across as that, I am writing this all wrong. My issue, is that whenever a friend needs me, I do everything I can to let go of anything I am dealing with and be there for them. When a friend needs to talk, I don’t hesitate to leave Hubs with the kids and be there for them. But lately, I need a friend. I need someone to listen to me. Not to give me advice, not to tell me I am doing the right or wrong thing. Not to tell me that I am doing good, or that things will work out. Just to listen. I don’t need pity. I don’t need sympathy. I need to know that I am important enough to be heard. I get that there are things going on in other people’s lives. Big things. Small things. Medium things. And I get that sometimes those things are bigger then friendships. I get that sometimes there is too much happening and you can’t devote time to the friends you would like too.
But world, if I am being honest, I feel as though all of the people I am always there for suddenly have things bigger then our friendship to worry about, and it leaves me feeling alone. I suppose, it’s a part of life. But, it’s a tough part to deal with!
This isn’t a cry for someone to pay attention to me. I want to make that clear. I just needed to get this out there.
Love, Hugs and more to come later