Doing the right thing?

I have lived in NB for 4 years as of October 9. Crazy.

This is our fifth Thanksgiving in NB. (In Canada, we celebrate in October, I know it’s not like this everywhere!) Our first Thanksgiving was the weekend I moved out here and as we were staying with Hubs’ Mom and Step Dad until we got out own place, we had dinner with them. 

The following year, we more or less invited ourselves to celebrate Thanksgiving with Hubs’ Dad and Step Mom. 

The third year, we celebrated ourselves at home since everyone had their own plans. 

The fourth year, we did the same as year three. 

This year, I planned a nice dinner for Hubs, the kids and I. Then, we were indirectly invited to celebrate Hubs’ Step Dad’s nephews wedding the weekend of Thanksgiving. I don’t want to go. I told Hubs, I am not going. He can take the kids and go, he can go by himself.

But. I. Am. Not. Going. 

Why you ask? Why am I choosing to stay home with my husband and kids instead of spending the holiday with family when I am the first to complain that we never see family?

1- Because we weren’t actually invited. Yes I am going to be that petty about it. We seen Hubs Mom and Step Dad on Saturday. They didn’t invite us while we were there. She called Hubs Dad after we left her house (no, they are not close) and asked him to pass the message on to us. She did not call our house to give us the details. I don’t really feel wanted there. 

2- Because I don’t want to sit and play nice while his Mom and Step Dad pretend to be the grandparents on the year when they never see my kids or call to see how any of us are doing. Not to mention the way they ignore Nick and Zoey and favor Alex. Shame on Nick and Zoey for looking like me and not looking like Hubs side of the family. /sigh/

Hubs says he isn’t going if I am not going. That’s his choice. 

Am I doing the right thing? I don’t know. But I know that I am doing what feels right to me. And yet, I still feel slightly guilty for it /sigh/

Love, hugs and more to come later!


9 thoughts on “Doing the right thing?

  1. Oh that is quite a spot you’re in. But I am definitely with you in your decision not to go. We would always know if we were wanted or not, however I do sacrifice my own feelings sometimes especially if my kids expressed their excitement about going. 😦

  2. Sorry about your struggle. I honestly do not know what I would do if I were in your shoes! Tough one..I hope you and the Hubs come to peace with your choice and you do what is best for YOUR family! Good luck! Stopping by from Atlanta Mom of 3!

  3. I understand the position you are in and totally understand the feeling slightly guilty part. It is hard when you feel unwelcome. It is hard at times to make the best decision. My dad always told me the best way to make a decision is if you could look yourself in the mirror and feel good about what you decided at the end. I have been in your shoes more then once lately. Do what is best for yourself.

  4. Oh, I have been indirectly invited to many family functions by my mom’s parents and it always infuriated (offended) me! We no longer see them because there wasn’t any closeness and I was tired of spending the few holidays there are each year with people that we didn’t have real relationships with. *Hugs*! We started having Thanksgiving alone as a family a number of years ago so we could really enjoy the day. 🙂

    • That’s kind of where my head is right now. I would rather enjoy the holiday then spend the holiday with people there is no closeness with and pretend there is a closeness. 🙂

  5. I agree with your decision. Life is just too short to purposely create negative memories. Perhaps there needs to be a conversation about the issues, but definitely not on a holiday and surely without the kids in tow. 🙂
    Good luck!

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