Being Mom

I feel as though I am always striving to be something I am not. And I wish I would stop. Last night I put the kids to bed. Alex and Nick brushed their teeth, climbed into bed, watched their movie and fell asleep. Zoey, on the other hand, didn’t. She had her bottle, and then screamed. And screamed. And screamed some more. I burped her, I rocked her, I sang to her, I talked to her, I bargained with her. And she screamed. Finally I put her down in her crib. Hubs went in to her. I went into my room and I cried. 

I felt like a failure as a mom. Even as I write this I want to cry. I felt like nothing I did was ever going to be enough. While I cried I thought about what I wanted and didn’t want to be. Then when Hubs and I talked later I told him what I had been thinking. 

I told him: 

I want to be a good mom. 

I want to be the mom who never gets stressed out dealing with my kids. 

I don’t want to be the mom who gets so stressed I cry for half an hour. 

I want to be the mom who is perfectly organized. 

I want to be the mom with the clean house. Not the mom who didn’t sweep and mop last night because I was too tired. Not the mom with dishes piled in the sink because I didn’t feel like loading the dishwasher. 

I want to be the mom who wakes up every day with a smile that never fades through the day. I don’t want to be the mom who snaps at my kids. I don’t want to be the mom who loses my patience. 

I want to be the mom who has it all under control. Not the mom who can’t seem to get a grip on her emotions. 

His reply: ‘There is no mom out there like that. All moms get stressed, and tired. And any mom who tells you she doesn’t is lying to you. Raising kids is exhausting. Don’t beat yourself up over it. You put Zoey down in her crib and walked away. You did the right thing. You made sure she was safe and took a few minutes to yourself. You’re a great mom, and the perfect mom to our kids.’ 

That got me to thinking. I have stated before that I know I am a good mom. But I’m not sure I believe it. I say it because everyone says it to me. Anytime I bring up any self doubt, I get told I am a good mom. It almost feels like my doubts are being invalidated and the reassurance of ‘of course you are a good mom’ leaves me feeling empty. I mentioned this to a friend, and her reply was ‘well of course you’re a good mom, you’re super mom. How else could you handle three kids the way you do’ But that’s the point. I don’t feel like I have a handle on it.

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I don’t feel like super mom. And what even makes a mom a super mom? The choice to have 3 kids? The ability to keep them alive? It’s not like I am one of these pinterest mom’s who makes all my kids meals into pretty little shapes and faces. I don’t have the time or energy for that. Personally I kind of find the term ‘super mom’ derogatory. I hear it and I feel like I am being accused of being perfect. 

Let me make something clear. I am not perfect. I have no idea what I am doing when it comes to raising my kids. I am making it up as I go along, and hoping I don’t screw them up too badly. (A little screwed up is okay, we can just call them quirky!) In fact, as proof as how imperfect I am…. I forgot to do my cloth diaper laundry last night. My kids are in disposables this morning. It’s a good thing I still have some in the house ha ha. Or else today’s post wouldn’t be happening because I would be spending my morning cleaning pee instead of drinking coffee.

But, unless you guys got a manual with your kids and mine just forgot theirs, we are all learning as we go. And none of us have the answers. Just a bunch of theories and ideas. So, as long as we are trying our best, and our kids are happy and healthy we are all good moms and good dads. And my goal is to stop trying to be something I’m not. 

13 thoughts on “Being Mom

    • I agree. Being a mom is a tough road to walk. Thankfully none of us are walking it alone and there are millions of moms out there walking with us. Thank You for your kind words.

  1. I feel like this a lot too! As long as our kids are loved, that’s all that matters. No one says on their dying bed “I wished cleaned my house more”. That’s what I keep telling myself.

    • Ha ha That is a very true point. I can’t imagine my dying thoughts being ‘if only I had done the dishes’ unless of course that’s the cause of my death 🙂 Thank you!

  2. Uck…Oh boy I think every mother understands this.. I have two close friends, with kids around the age of my kids and they call me the super mom.. I don’t see how?! The only thing I can think of is that my kids don’t ever really act out in public…that’s pretty much all I’ve got going for me..and I joke it’s because I wouldn’t even know how to handle it if they did… the very rare times it’s happened I turned into a raving mad woman that probably embarrassed my kids into never acting up lol..

    • Lol. Mine are very good listeners when we are in public. But that’s because I never take them out tired, hungry etc and always plan with the precision of a military mission. My husband laughs at me that I probably put more planning in then the military does (he is military) I don’t know if it’s a compliment or an insult… I also don’t know if I should be worried! 😛

  3. I would guess we all try out best and we all fall short. Thank God for grace and forgiveness and peace where we can get it. Even if you find it in the release if a good cry and finding comfort in your husband’s words.

  4. Trust me, if the people around you are telling you you’re a good mom, believe them. You are your own worst critic (aren’t we all?). The very fact that you worry about it proves it. Keep it up momma, you’re doing awesome!

  5. I’ve never even met you, and I don’t hesitate in the slightest when I tell you that you are an amazing mother. It is clear just by reading your posts that your primary focus is your children’s wellbeing, health and happiness. As a mother though, it is easy to forget that our own health, wellbeing and happiness is just as important a priority.

    I had my own moment of inconsolable tears in my bedroom earlier this week. I felt like I’d lost control of the Mom I wanted to be, and the person I’d wanted to be for her. It’s something that happens to the best of us, but nobody ever talks about it. It is posts exactly like this one of yours that make me such a strong believer in the fact that we all have to stop being so hard on ourselves, and hold ourselves up to such impossibly perfect standards. Nobody is perfect, and perfect would be boring anyway!

    That’s part of the reason that I wanted to do my future post called “Motherhood Confessionals”. I’ve asked Moms (and Dads) to submit to me via private message their confessions: times they’ve felt like a failure, shortcuts they take for sanity’s sake, mistakes they’ve made, secrets they have, or times they’ve eaten a chocolate bar in the closet just so they don’t have to share with their kids. I’ve gotten some great ones so far! The plan is for me to post them all (anonymously of course!) in the blog, so that we can all see that we absolutely are not alone in our difficult moments. We all have hard times, we all have doubts, we all take shortcuts and make mistakes, and we’ve all had “bad mum” thoughts and moments.

    I hope that these words have helped you to realize that you are 100% not alone in your thoughts, concerns or worries. I hope it comforts you to know that I too, cry with my face buried into my bedsheets leaving a puddle of salty tears. I hope you know that you are amazing.

    • Thank you so much for your amazingly kind words. I cried reading your comment ha ha. I suppose the hardest part is we try so hard to be our best selves for our kids that we forget we can’t be at our best 100% of the time. Thank you again. Your words mean alot to me. 🙂

    • Thank you so much for your amazingly kind words. I cried reading your comment ha ha. I suppose the hardest part is we try so hard to be our best selves for our kids that we forget we can’t be at our best 100% of the time. Thank you again. Your words mean alot to me. 🙂

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