So I am sitting here on the couch while hubs puts the kids to bed and Zoey sleeps about 3 feet from me, thinking about doing laundry and I can feel my anxiety levels rising. Sounds kind of silly that my anxiety is rising over laundry, but let me finish and it will all (with any luck) be clear that it’s not the laundry making me anxious, it’s the sorting and getting rid of stuff that is.
Zoey is officially out of her newborn sized clothes. And into 0-3 month sizes. So while I am folding laundry, all of her NB stuff is going into a box to be dropped off at a friend’s house tomorrow. Her stuff is going to a good home, I am not worried about it being taken care of. There is really no sentimental attachment to any of it. Most of it she only wore once. But. It means I am never going to dress any of my babies in those itty bitty clothes again 😥 (I don’t know if I mentioned it, but Hubs is going for his vasectomy in August, and barring some absurd twist of fate, we are done producing offspring!) My babies are growing up fast. And that makes me sad. I want to hold onto her
The real anxiety strikes though when I am boxing up my maternity clothes. I have pre pregnancy clothes that fit me (most of the ones from pre-Zoey do and some are even getting too big on me!) So it’s not that I won’t have anything to wear. But.. has anyone ever notice how awesomely maternity pants hide the little bubbly pooch of stretched out skin that tends to just muffin top with normal pants? Am I the only one self conscious enough to even notice? I know that I should love my body for what it is, and what it has done, and most times I do. In fact, I even joined a Facebook group dedicated to loving the postpartum body! And, as people keep pointing out to me, I am only 1 month postpartum and I can’t seriously expect to have my pre-baby body back. But for some reason, having people be able to see that my body isn’t perfect is causing me a lot of distress. It seems like such a stupid thing to get anxious about, but it seems like there is so much emphasis on how we look that I can’t help but have it consume me.
I seriously thought about keeping a pair or two of maternity pants, but I can see my husband being curious about why I did, and somehow I don’t think my explanation about feeling too fat for normal clothes is going to cut it for him. (Don’t get me wrong he is an awesome guy, he just isn’t really into letting me allow my anxieties to control me, which I can rationally say they would be if I continued wearing maternity pants when I don’t need to be) I guess I can take this as extra motivation to eat healthy, exercise a little more, and drink more water. And of course, continue trying to embrace the pooch of stretched out skin as a memorial to the amazing things my body went through to bring my 3 gorgeous babies into the world!!
Love, hugs and more to come later!